Quit the Criticizing

If there's one thing that bothers me in the whole "parenting department," its how judgmental parents get of each other.  I can't even count the amount of times I've read "oh, I feel sorry for that kid!" on my 'mommy forum' that I'm on. Parenting goes in phases--and before you think I'm crazy for saying that, just take a second to think about it. Back when we were kids, the way you'd put a a baby to sleep is on its stomach. Obviously research has shown that that can lead to SIDS, which is why the "Back to Sleep" campaign came about. However, back then they didn't have the research that we have now, and they thought that stomach sleeping was the thing to do. Now I can't say for sure, but I'm fairly positive that if moms were the way they are now, they looked down on anyone who didn't put their baby to sleep on their stomach.

These days, all I ever read on mom forums is mostly negative; yes, there are a few women who build one another up and give out great advice, but then there are the judgmental ones: "Oh, you don't read your kid 8 books before bed? Your child is going to fall behind in school." "Oh, you let your kid watch more than 30 minutes of TV a day? I feel sorry for your kid because you obviously don't love him." These are obviously made up, but the pettiness of them is about equal to what I'm reading on forums. Its ridiculous. Everyone has their own way of parenting--and its no one's place to judge them. I know that some of you may be thinking I'm a hypocrite right now because I've posted blogs about how you shouldn't let your kid rule your household--but I'm not a hypocrite because I'm not telling you exactly how to do it. If you spank, use timeouts, have structured nap times, use the "cry it out" method--I don't care. You'll never hear me telling you how to parent your child. Sure, I have the methods that have worked for me, so of course I'm an advocate for those methods--but ever child is different, and I think that's what some of these moms don't realize.

God forbid I post a picture of Maverick having a candy bar at breakfast time--I'd have to be sure to post a disclaimer of "I swear I'm not a bad mom! This doesn't happen all the time! We were in a hurry and..." Enough is enough. If I want to give my kids candy for breakfast, then I can do that--because I'M the parent. You may think I'm a terrible parent, but a little candy is not going to hurt anyone. (Now for the disclaimer: I haven't actually given my kids candy for breakfast--I was just using it as an example. "I swear I'm not a bad mom").

It seems like moms specifically look for flaws in other moms so that they can feel superior. "I saw a baby in a baby Bjorn earlier today and I felt SO bad for that baby. I wish I would've told that mom that she's ruining her child's life." Listen: I get it that baby Bjorn's position the kid weird and can cause hip issues, but if it were that big of an issue, the product would have been recalled. I used Bjorn's for both of my kids, and they have absolutely no problems with their hips. I also used formula, plastic bottles, and I didn't co-sleep. I must be a terrible mom--so please, feel bad for my kids. Such a shame, right?

I can guarantee that I'm going to lose some "popularity points" with some of the moms I'm friends with--but that's fine. I don't think you're a bad mom if you co-sleep, breastfeed, use formula, spank your kids, don't spank your kids: what matters is that your child grows up to be a respectable member of society--how you get them to that point is up to you. Us moms need to build each other up more--quit criticizing anything that's different than how we parent. Everything is good in moderation: I let my kids watch TV, I spank them when its necessary, they have a set bedtime that they comply to EVERY night, and I don't mind if they have a little candy every now and then--but you know what? They throw fits just like your kid does, have a blast playing with their toys just like your kid does, and are loved more than they could ever know--just like your kid is. I'm not saying that my kids are going to be model citizens; there's no way of knowing that. This parenting thing is all 'trial and error;' we'll never have a sure-fire way of doing this or doing that. Every child is different, so lets get off our high horses and quit making moms feel bad for the way they do things. We're all trying our best here, and there's already enough guilt that comes with being a mom--we certainly don't need to add more.

And now I'll step down off of my soap box. Happy Wednesday everyone :)